Anxiety · Counselling · Experience · fertility · infertility · Lifestyle · Love · miscarriage · PCOS · ttc

Am I ready?

So, 6 months ago we embarked upon the next stage of our journey… the IUI. I remember being so excited yet nervous, but I jumped in with both feet first & I like to think I smashed the process with massive positivity fists!

When we miscarried our baby I didn’t even want to think about trying again. I wanted that baby, my first baby… nothing else would ever compare, but they say time is a great healer & in most part it is.

I’ll never get over what happened, so when I spoke to my counsellor she said “stop trying to get over this, you just need to move forward”. Getting over something feels, to me, that I should be forgetting it whereas moving forward feels different… so here we are, mid-September & patiently waiting for my next cycle to start so we can do the whole thing all over again. But the big question is…

…am I ready?

The answer to that is a hazy one. I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% ready, I still mourn the loss of our baby, but I know I must try… I owe it to our little one not to give up, I owe it to my husband & most of all I owe it to myself.

xx Gem xx

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Anxiety · Change · Experience · infertility · Lifestyle · miscarriage · PCOS

Wellness Wednesday

Life has been a complete rollercoaster for us this year & over the past couple of months I’ve come to realise that I’ve changed… a lot.

In a good way or a bad way?

Well, let’s look at the negatives. Since I last wrote a blog post, we miscarried our miracle baby at 10 weeks & since then I can only describe myself as living life with a broken heart. This has taken its toll on my marriage, my social life & my job… oh, & not to mention my health!

But gliding past the negatives, I do have the ability to find the positives…

We actually made a baby. That is our big positive. Our dream came true & I will forever be grateful for that. Also, with the time I’ve had off work it’s given me a moment to realise how my job has evolved into something I no longer love.

So, out of this I have found the ability to put myself first. I mean I always thought I did, but I didn’t… in reality, I didn’t, but I can only see that now. Things need to change…

Welcome to Wellness Wednesday, my day off during the week where I get to put myself first. Of course it doesn’t always work out that way, I end up doing housework & babysitting, but I now feel I have the confidence to say NO if I want to. Don’t get me wrong, I love a clean house & I get a lot of enjoyment from spending time with children, but every now & again I need to just be me & that is 100% ok.